Well, I’ll tell you this:
………….I take my pocket knife out of my pocket when I lie down in bed.
………………..I point the kitchen knives away from me when I’m eating
………………..and cap all of the X-ACTO knives on my desk.
………………..And I notice any new knives around me, and know
………………..when they’ll give me trouble—which is rarely, now.
…………I take out an earbud to look behind me when I walk at night,
………………..and I press the crosswalk button, too, even wait for it.
…………When my ankle twists, because I’m jumping around 
………………..outdoors the same way I have for the past twenty-two 
………………..years, or dancing the same way I have for the past five,
………………..I stop, massage it, give it a little break before 
………………..jumping and dancing again.
…………When a man comes up to me,
………………..I tell him to get lost, or I tell him nothing,
………………..or I tell him I love him, or I tell him nothing,
………….I try to take my makeup off before bed,
………………..and I always wash my sheets when I don’t.
………….I use my planner. I plan these days, for
………………..tomorrow and the day after, and for days and weeks
………………..and years after that, too. 
………….And I journal, to make
………………..up for the yesterdays I couldn’t plan for. And
………………..I journal just to journal, too, and I let myself
………………..have that sort of “just,” along with “simply”’ 
………………..and “only”’ and “obviously” and the like.
………….I grab a salad from the supermarket and make
………………..a dessert to go along with it, pour some soda 
………………..and chop up tofu for tomorrow’s meal, and
………………..when I grab the knife it only slips for the usual
………………..reasons: the tofu is softer than I expect, and 
………………..my grip is firmer than you’d think. And my
………………..cuts have never been pretty, but the green onion
………………..gets in there, and so do the mushrooms and garlic and peppers. 
………..And I wince when the oil finds me. 
………………..And I turn down the heat.

Of course I am.

© Sammy Ismet Merabet

Sammy Ismet Merabet is an Algerian-American poet from Southern California. Their work explores identity, sensuality, and self-destruction through a variety of poetic forms.

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