Pre-Holiday Pantoum
I’m shopping for a boy. It’s late August.
Christmas already in every store window.
It’s not too soon to start, take advantage.
All those once in a lifetime deals!
Christmas already in every window.
But what can I buy for a dead boy?
Useless. All those department store deals!
Motionless – the mannequin in the window.
But where do I shop for the boy?
Give me one who’s not dead.
Motionless – the mannequin, still behind glass.
There is no Christmas, not for me.
I’ve looked everywhere. No luck.
Better get started, take advantage.-
There is no Christmas, not for me.
I’m shopping for a boy. It’s late August.
.
New Year’s Resolutions
Me and Jimmy have a long-standing tradition of fucking in the New Year. That’s what we like best, a loooong shag starting before 11pm and bursting through at midnight, birthing a new beginning. For a moment, the nascent year shimmers with promise. Then the disappointment sets in. Jimmy, up to his old tricks; me, obsessed with catching him in the act, going down on some nubile young thing in the back seat of his Beamer. The sex. The suspicion. It’s what we do. A rut, and we both know it.
Look, I’m not a jealous person. I just want to know where I stand. Jimmy finds the tracker device I hid in his car. Throws it at my feet. What happened to the trust we shared? he asks. Trust, I remind him, must be earned. For a while he’s on good behavior. Boy Scout of the Year. But character wins out. Jimmy always goes back to his old ways. Late after work (Me and the boss stopped at Roxie’s Bar & Grill for a couple of beers.) Such a lame excuse. As if I haven’t already called Roxie, asked if he was there. Jeeze, Jimmy, do you think I’m an idiot? He sends me a dozen long-stemmed apologies, blood red. I prefer yellow, and he knows it.
It’s only February, and already his resolution to be faithful is toast. Jimmy swears he’s trying, but we both know there’s no such thing – you either do it or you don’t. Here’s my resolution: To break him like a bad habit. Stop lusting after his perfect abs and delicious cock, pay more attention to his duplicitous nature. But when Jimmy has one too many, pops the question, down on one knee in Roxie’s parking lot, just like in my dreams, I turn away. Too little, too late, I say. And when he runs after me, grabs me, swears he’ll change, begs me to drive to Vegas, marry him at midnight, I actually consider it. My mom always said, “Don’t quit your old job until you have a new one!” The same could be said about men. I mean, Jimmy’s looking especially hot, and there’s that midnight shag of ours. I hear my mother’s voice in my head. A girl shouldn’t be too hasty.
.
Fill In the Blanks (A Condolence Card Template: When (Child’s Name Goes Here) Dies)
Dear _____ (grieving person’s name goes here).
I’m so sorry to learn of the death of your son/daughter (choose one), _____. I send you my heart felt condolences. I know how you feel. _____ was so young! So full of life! Hard to believe _____ is gone; killed/felled/drop-kicked (pick one) by such a brutal car crash/drive by/fatal disease (name it) at only _____ years old! Far too young to die. Unthinkable/out of order for a parent to outlive their child! So unfair! Still, _____ is with God now, looking down upon you, like a guardian angel. Like my boy watches over me. I’m thinking of the last time we were together, how invincible he looked! And how happy! I recall thinking, Everything’s perfect now, that suspended moment when I realized too late how perfection has consequences. Dear friend, don’t do as I did, baiting the gods, flaunting my good fortune, boasting his largess, his gentle heart. What did I expect? I picture my boy, his curly blondness, how clever he was, how kind. How beautiful he is! I remember thinking, just before his cancer’s death knell resounded in my skull.
© Alexis Rhone Fancher
Poet/Photographer, Alexis Rhone Fancher, is published in Best American Poetry, Rattle, Verse Daily, The American Journal of Poetry, Plume, Diode, Flock, Hobart, and elsewhere. Her 9th and 10th books of poetry, BRAZEN, (NYQ Books) and TRIGGERED, a feminist response (MacQueens) published in 2023. A hardcover book of her photo portraits of over 100 Southern California poets will be published by Moon Tide Press in early 2026. A multiple Pushcart and Best of the Net nominee, Alexis lives and creates in the Mohave Desert with her husband, Fancher. They have an extraordinary view. www.alexisrhonefancher.com
The Loch Raven Review 